Mousie (fzmousie) wrote in evil_trepannys,
Mousie
fzmousie
evil_trepannys

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Would YOU forgive me if I did this to you?

This is an etiquette thing.  I'm posting here cuz I can't post you-know-where and because I'm absolutely sick over this.  =(


If I had done this to me, I'd have been plenty upset, but I would forgive me.  Then again, this HAS been done to me before (more than once) and it hasn't ended a friendship.  I've been plenty hurt, but a sincere apology has always fixed that quickly .

I just need to know if I am wrong to expect a sincere apology to be taken at face value.  I stood up a friend and I feel awful. 

You see, I made plans to get together with a friend tonight.  I made these plans about two weeks ago.  Unfortunately, since then I have been insanely busy, going non-stop.  It hasn't been normal and in the last three days I have had a combined total of more than 6 seizures that I am aware of (I do not use that as an excuse, it just lays the groundwork to understand the stress my body and mind have been under).  Combine this with the fact that I have a long-standing memory issue.  It sometimes gets joked about that if I don't write something down, it doesn't exist in "my world".  That's sadly true, and there have been moments that I cannot remember my own phone number or important details that you take for granted you just know. 

Somewhere in the last three weeks, I lost the note I wrote down my plans on.  Then hubby let me know this week that we were going to his parents tonight.  Of course, in there I forgot about my plans with my friend and so she called me while I was at my in-laws wanting to know where I was (she was outside my apartment waiting for me).

My stomach sank and I wanted to be sick.  This is the first time my forgetfulness has caused me to actually stand up a friend.  I've done plenty of silly things relating to my forgetfulness, and I forgot a doctor's appointment once, but that is a far cry from leaving a friend waiting for you on the doorstep of your apartment because you forgot to call and cancel the plans.


I'm really bothered over this, but I guess what I am more bothered about is her response.  It's not one I've come to expect from my friends and not one I have ever given in my life (and yes, this friend has stood me up before....stuff happens and you move on).  When I apologized and told her what happened, she began to tell me about a cake that she bought for us to share (later in the conversation it slipped that she'd been given the cake and couldn't finish it on her own).  Then when I apologized again and explained how busy things had been (especially because of my pending vacation, which she knew about), her response was "Huh.  Well.  That's nice.  Not really.  Have fun.  *click*."

I was stunned.  I've always been there for her.  I've always tried to cheer her up when she's down.  I've always forgiven her, even when she has openly insulted me. 

.......Am I wrong to expect to be forgiven?
(Incidentally, for the E-hell cross-posters, this is the same friend I posted about some time ago who took offense when I said I had to go to the gym before we got together.)

As a side note, I just wrote a letter to her (hand written letter, not an email) to apologize sincerely.  It may be overkill, but if the friendship is over, I want to leave with the knowledge that I did all I could.


Have you ever been stood up?  Have you forgiven for it when an apology is offered?  Under what circumstances involving messed up plans would you consider a friendship to be over?
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